Saturday, October 13, 2007

When do I act??

Yes, when do you actually move. Both a statement and a question. If you are like me, I quickly shelve the entire idea because it is not currenlty part of my routine and haven't figured out yet how to make it part.

So I started pausing while reading the bulletin and seeing that monstrance. For those who may not be familiar the monstrance is often a beautifully gilded home for the Blessed Sacrament. It has a glass center so that you can see it. It is much different than being in front of the tabernacle where you know God is present in the Eucharist but the door is locked. He is right there in our midst in the monstrance.

I'm not a theologian and I'm not doing this to purport knowing more than I know. I have and always have believed in transubstantiation and I am not a skilled debater of these matters. So you'll have to enter into that with another higher level of intelligence than my own.

So over the course of several years!!!! MIND YOU!! I would wonder what was that all about anyway. Well it happened to be summer of 2000, and I had time and was in town and had no way out. The call was so loud and so distinct. The Holy Spirit had me occupied with strong thoughts of realization that I could go. It was a first Friday during the summer. I remember going when it was later in the evening thinking many people wouldn't be there then. What a crazy thought!!! How are you supposed to learn if there are no people there!!!???

But there were, maybe six other men plus me! Yeah good thing I worked with mostly men so I wasn't too intimidated. This was a nocturnal adoration society I believe, and they had modified that even to begin at 6:00p.m. and go until 12:00 a.m. Plus the men were nice about making me feel part of it as though I knew what they were doing!! Wow!!

There were these handbooks, thank the Lord for organized Catholicism!!! So we'd read the readings and psalms selected, and then say the rosary. I had never done anything like this. And after the first time, I was hooked. I was part of something bigger than myself. For sure more worthwhile than anything I could come up with on my own. I so looked forward to the next month I couldn't wait.

Well this went on for several months, as many as I could make which were most. I felt as though I could not disappoint our Lord, He was counting on me to show up. There were so few of us, I was making a difference. I was worried about the Poor Souls in Purgatory. I wondered who prays for them....the Nocturnal Adoration Society does thats who. So began my calling for the Poor Souls. I just realized how connected that is to where I am now spiritually. Man the Holy Spirit does so much when we cooperate with Him.

So I felt, this dutiful participation, because someone needed to and I didn't mind being in the background keeping the Blessed Sacrament company and praying. Then I met my future husband, and I kept going- it had become such a part of me. Funny thing happened in the fall, I began going to an earlier time due to daylight and found the group to be mostly women. Wow, what a shock, and when I grabbed the book I had been using this woman scoffs, "That is the men's book." ??????What??????? But they were right, and wow the women were different!! I tried to fit in and it was difficult at first but then they adopted me after several months of me proving my seriousness. That is also funny now thinking back on it.

So for over a year, I didn't move or act, and then finally Holy Spirit gives me no outs, and like that you can't get me away. Even when I was engaged I persisted. It was good mostly because it was formed, a procedure, an expected event.... did I miss?? Oh sure, there were months I failed to go. But Jesus is not going to just let you go, He's always going to find a way for you to grow.

In summary, it's okay to be unsure of what to expect. A couple of years later it turned into just hourly adoration, and was fairly open and mostly independent prayer. It's really okay to just go and sit for 30 minutes. I missed the group unison prayer but made the transition still. Take some paper, or your bible and just be with God. He's right there with you and He will bring you where He can, if you let Him lead you. But if you are like me and just haven't fit it into your crazy list of things-to-do, no problem, you know you hear Him in your heart and He won't stop calling you. When you go, Jesus nevers disappoints. It is sometimes hard though at first to overcome the "What am I really doing? Does it mean anything?" cycle.

This was the same time as I started teaching CCD, and then the wedding, and then the baby. All bringing me into different experiences with Jesus.

Goodnight and blessings to you!!

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